By Aisha Gawad
December 29, 2009

I guess I understand the origins of polygamy. Back in the seventh century, men married multiple wives for practical reasons - to forge alliances and strengthen communities, save widows from squalor, etc. But things are different now. The idea of a marriage alliance makes me think of a bunch of spear-wielding warriors threatening war unless the chief gives his daughter away as a prize, and I haven’t seen many of those around in the 21st century. (I also realize that I have watched “Pocahontas” one too many times). I’ve heard some of today’s young Muslim men joke about polygamy. It sounds something like this: “Yo woman, you be trippin. Ima holla at wife number two till you simmer down.”

I’m no religious scholar, but I basically do not understand the rationale for contemporary polygamy. I really don’t think single women need to be rescued anymore. If a woman remains unmarried at 30, I think she’ll survive. And if a man is so bored by one woman, then maybe he shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

Saudi television journalist Nadine al-Bedair feels the ridiculousness of modern-day polygamy just as acutely. She even wrote an article in the independent Egyptian newspaper, Al-Masry Al-Youm, entitled “My Four Husbands and I.” In it, she argues that if men have the right to marry up to four women, then women should have the right to marry up to four men. It’s a little something called gender equality, she says.

“A man would say, ‘I am bored. She has become like a sister to me. I am no longer sexually attracted to her.’...” al-Bedair writes (as translated in an Al Arabiya article). Then she asks what happens when a woman gets bored of her husband or if she has never enjoyed her married life. Men are allowed to escape from unfulfilling marriages while women remain trapped in them. Al-Bedair proposes that either polygamy be allowed for both men and women or “a new map for marriage be drawn to defeat men’s ‘lame’ excuses,” says the Al Arabiya article">Al Arabiya article.

Of course, clerics across Egypt have not taken kindly to al-Bedair’s article, calling it blasphemous and filing complaints against the newspaper. Now, to be clear, I am not advocating polygamy for women or men. And I don’t want to speak for Ms. al-Bedair, but I have a feeling she is not advocating for it either. I believe she was trying to make a point about the inequalities that exist in many polygamous marriages - about the mistreatment of women and about a man’s inability to treat multiple wives fairly. She is trying to highlight the double standards that exist within the framework of Muslim marriage. Or maybe she just noticed too many unmarried/unwanted men wandering the streets and feared the negative effects on society.

Both the newspaper and the author should be commended for not being afraid to spark honest (even if controversial) conversations. Especially as a woman working in the public sphere (as a TV journalist) Al-Bedair is kind of a baller for writing something she knew would be greeted with more scorn than applause. I think we should all tip our hats/hijabs/kufis to her.