Hasan Minhaj On Comedy and Burritos

By Sara Elghobashy

March 30, 2010

Comedian Hasan Minhaj began his career at the Punchline Comedy Club in San Francisco . Since then, he’s appeared on E!’s Chelsea Lately and was a finalist for NBC’s Standup for Diversity. Taking his career to the next step, Minhaj has now released his debut album, Hasan Minhaj: Leaning on Expensive Cars and Getting Paid to Do It in February. He recently sat down with elan to talk about the things that matter most to him: basketball, Tyler Perry’s House of Payne and the burrito.

Q: When did you first realize that you wanted to be a comedian?

True story. I was in the 8th grade and I had a brand new pair of Penny Hardaway sneakers. Now this was during the late 90s when Penny was one of the dopest point guards in the league. To keep my new sneaks crisp I put them in my locker while I played basketball in my old worn out sneakers. After shooting hoops outside I went back into the locker room to change into my Penny’s. They felt a little soggy, but I didn’t mind.

As I’m waiting in the parking lot for my dad to pick me up, Brad Gordon (who was one of the coolest kids at my Junior High) asks me about my sneakers. I’m floored. Brad Gordon wants to be my friend and thinks I have dope sneakers.

Me: Oh these? I got them at Foot Locker.

Brad: You sure? I thought you got them from the urinal.

Me: What?

Brad: I put your sneakers in the urinal and peed in them.

A group of guys proceeded to laugh at me as my Dad’s Nissan Stanza pulled up in front of the group and picked me up. Arguably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. One of the few times I wish I had a comeback up my sleeve. Needless to say Brad Gordon still works at a local grocery store in the town I grew up in. So maybe life writes the best punch lines.

Q: What was your first job?

I used to work at Office Max. By far one of the worst jobs I ever had; because there’s only so much time you can spend around office supplies before you want to kill yourself. People would rarely come into the store, and no matter what I would have to greet them with “Welcome to OfficeMax how can I help you take it to the max?” no matter what. One time a guy walked in just to use the bathroom and I had to ask him how I could “Help him take it to the max” – it was awkward to say the very least.

Q: If you weren’t a comedian, what would you be?

Rapper or pro ball player. To tell you the truth, comedy is just a filler until I can figure out how to monetize either of those two dreams. Although I never played high school or collegiate basketball I submitted myself for the 2009 NBA draft and never made it out of the green room on draft day. It’s okay though, the league wasn’t ready for me.

In terms of my rap career, I’m just waiting to get in touch with the right producers. Dream producer? DJ Khaled. Everyone knows if you get him on a track he’ll do most of the work for you by yelling his name over and over again for three and a half minutes. I’ve made several attempts to reach out to Khaled via Twitter, but he has yet to get back to me. He’s a busy guy, last I checked he was doing radio spots for McDonald’s.

Q: Your debut album is great. How long did it take to come up with the material?

A lot of the material was written while doing standup in San Francisco and LA. Another chunk of the material was written this past year while I was on the road during the NBC College Tour. Doing a string of longer sets in new (and often times interesting) locations definitely helped me come up with a lot of the material on the album. My ultimate goal is to get to a point where I can perfect my jokes in one attempt. Just walk onstage Jay-Z style, and get it perfect in one take. That would be awesome; unless of course Jay-Z decided to start doing comedy. Then it’d be over for me.

Q: Who would you play in a movie?

In an ideal world I’d play myself in one of the following two scenarios:

1. I get a call from Joe Pytka (Director of the hit film Space Jam) that Michael Jordan is reprising his role as Michael Jordan in Space Jam 2: Attack of the Toons. In this movie, the Toon Squad turns on humankind and MJ has to defend the human race by challenging the Bugs Bunny and company to a 3-on-3 basketball game. Coincidentally enough he decides to pickup myself and Bill Murray play on his team. I’d be running point, and Bill Murray would anchor down low.

2. Shaquille O’Neal asks me to play his sidekick in Steel 2. If you don’t remember Steel, it was similar to Kazaam in production value and critical acclaim, but twice as awesome. Anytime a 7’1” NBA center dons an entirely adamantium suit; I’m in.

Q: Who did you look up to growing up?

John Starks. He played guard for the New York Knicks during early 90s and was the only dude who would try to go at Michael Jordan. For some reason he looked like bulldog with a flat top, but I really respected his persistence even though Jordan would own him time and time again. Anytime I deliver a joke with uncanny swagger that bombs terribly I always tell myself I pulled a John Starks. So in terms of influences it pretty much boils down to John Starks and my father.

Q: Name two songs that would be on the soundtrack to your life.

I only listen to the hits. “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed and “Tearin’ up my Heart” by ‘NSYNC.

Q: What was the last book you read?

Facebook.

Q: What is the first thing you do Sunday morning?

I do what everyone does on a Sunday morning. I wake up, fire up my DVR, and catch up on Tyler Perry’s House of Payne. They say comedy comes from a real place, and it doesn’t get any realer than on TPHOP. After that I’ll go on YouTube videos. I love watching freestyle battles that end in fights. There’s nothing funnier to me than watching two Korean dudes rap for a minute then just break out in a brawl.

Q: What is your favorite dish of all time?

The burrito. It’s an entire delicious meal wrapped up in a tortilla. So simple; yet, so good. One of the best things about doing comedy is getting to travel the country and find the best burrito spots in each city I visit. Unfortunately the two best states that dominate the burrito game are California and Texas . Alabama? Not so much.

Q: What do you think are the biggest challenges facing Muslim youth today?

I think it’s the same problem youth face across the world. Being themselves. I saw a Lil’ Wayne interview (Because I base all of my life decisions around the sayings of Lil’ Wayne ) where he said the biggest problems with rappers today is that they don’t want to be themselves. They want to be someone else. Now don’t get me wrong, Lil’ Wayne is insane. He’s the only person on Earth that is addicted to Dymatap. But his advice is sound; be yourself, don’t let anyone influence you.

Q: What advice do you have for young comedians who want to break into the business?

Go onstage as much as you can. If you can’t go onstage in the town that you’re in, start a room yourself. Don’t listen to what other people tell you, find your voice and style on your own. If all else fails, record a video of you falling down a flight of stairs and put it up on YouTube. That always works.

Contact the author:

E-mail: selghobashy@elanthemag.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/SahRahBash